Now with 30% fewer earthly concerns.
Welcome to Seven7th Heaven, where celestial insight meets suburban problems. We are a fully certified coven of magical professionals, reality artisans, and avid stockpilers of misplaced oddities, specializing in general problem-solving, minor reality adjustments, and the occasional metaphysical consulting.
Our Corporate Mandate:
To solve problems that didn't warrant solving in the first place, just because we can. If time is flowing too linearly, if your furniture is not the exact shade of stale you'd prefer, or if good ol' boring reality just needs a small glow up, we provide certified celestial interventions, for all your mundane problems.
What We Actually Do:
• Twist and stretch the fabric of reality until it properly behaves
• Translate transcendental ruminations into plausible and sensible solutions
• Calibrate perspectives and realign aspirations. (metaphysically speaking)
• Ponder the Orb as summarily required.
Peering into the unknown since 1991
What, did you imagine that managing a business model that substantiates it's discoveries and accolades from peering into the boundless unknown would come without risks?
Here at Seven7th Heaven enterprises we pride ourselves in our capacity not only to innovate, but in our ability to endure and persevere in the face of weird freaky stuff, specially the encroaching horrors which the celestial spheres normally safekeep from our puny, puny mortal senses.
But we're having NONE of that, here at Seven7th Heaven LTD you're gonna grow some chest hair, and you can expect to find much more than what good, ol' boring "reality" attempts to pass for "quality content"...
[Look at the kind of nonsense we have to put up with, just for the sake of progress, extradimensional horrors? mass-wizard gang wars? even fire breathing dragons, look at Jeremy over there doing his best, you can do it, Jeremy!]
(Our finest collection of reality-bending artifacts)
Alliances are forged, but only to be tested. Make friends, then betray them!... Then maybe make up and go fishing. You never know what's gonna happen here!
The mysteries of the cosmos await to be solved! What are we? The answer will shock you!
Intense conflict, but you can't punch it away this time! Wait really? Growing up sure can be rough.
The love of your life awaits, maybe in some alien universe! Maybe in a clone factory! Find out now!
This is just a glimpse into our dark reality, we've also got hairy demons in human skin over at HR,
bound familiars filing paperwork, that thing in the basement that melts your face when you look at it, and cauldrons that double as espresso machines of some sort.
The rabbit hole goes much deeper than you can possibly imagine...
Our celestial staff
(Time is relative, but achievements aren't)
